THE Bathing Beauties — Unbiased Analysis

🛁 THE Bathing Beauties: Unbiased Analysis 🛁

An Honest Look at a Team That Needs More Than a Good Soak

1. Overall Team Summary (Brutal Honesty Edition)

Quick Verdict: Pretender with Upside — a team built on hope, projections, and the prayer that at least three guys come back from injury/decline at the same time.

One-liner roast: This roster looks like someone went to the "Young Players with Question Marks" aisle at Costco and just filled the cart without checking expiration dates.

One-liner compliment: Elly De La Cruz at $12 and Shea Langeliers at $7 are the kind of value picks that make other managers want to flip the table.

The Bathing Beauties are a fascinating cocktail of elite upside and questionable floor. You've got a top-7 fantasy asset in Elly, a potential top-12 bat in Yordan (when healthy — a phrase that should be tattooed on his ankle), and a pitching staff that ranges from "holy shit Eovaldi" to "what happened to Strider?" to "who the hell is Louie Varland?" This is a team that could finish anywhere from 3rd to 11th, and the manager would shrug and say "that's just how it goes." No. That's not how it goes. That's how it goes when you build a roster on vibes.

2. Roster Construction & Strategy

What the manager prioritized: Young bats with power upside, cheap keeper contracts, and pitching arms with "ace potential" (emphasis on potential). There's a clear philosophy here: lock up cheap talent early, ride the wave, and hope the cream rises. It's a dynasty-adjacent approach in what appears to be a keeper league, and it's not stupid — it's just incomplete.

What they ignored:

• Batting average. Sweet Jesus, look at this lineup. McLain hit .220. Manzardo hit .234. Vientos hit .233. Rafaela hit .249. This is a team that collectively swings like they're trying to kill a wasp at a picnic.
• Saves/Closers. You have zero dedicated closers. Aaron Ashby had 3 saves and 6 holds. Louie Varland has... stats we literally can't find. If saves are a category, you're bringing a pool noodle to a sword fight.
• OBP/Walks. Outside of Yordan Alvarez (who walked like a king in his limited time) and Ben Rice, this lineup doesn't get on base. Multiple guys have walk-to-K ratios below 0.35.
• Roster depth. 15 players total. That's it. If anyone gets hurt — and spoiler alert, someone always gets hurt — you're scrambling.

Where the roster is fragile:

• Yordan Alvarez is Day-to-Day with an ankle issue. Again. This man and lower-body injuries are in a committed relationship.
• Nathan Eovaldi is Day-to-Day with a groin issue. He's 36. Groins at 36 don't just "work themselves out."
• Spencer Strider is coming off what was essentially two lost seasons. His 2025 was a 4.45 ERA with a 1.40 WHIP. That's not the guy who struck out 281 in 2023.
• Eury Perez pitched only 95.1 innings in 2025 on a tanking Marlins team. Workload management is real.
• You have THREE players listed at DH eligibility. Roster flexibility is not your strong suit.

3. Strengths

• Elly De La Cruz at $12 is highway robbery. A 24-year-old SS who put up 550 fantasy points, stole 37 bags, hit 22 bombs, and scored 102 runs — and you're paying him $12? That's the best contract on this roster and possibly in the league. CBS Rank #7. 95% owned. This is the cornerstone, and it's a damn good one.
• Shea Langeliers had a monster breakout in 2025. .277 AVG, 31 HR, 32 doubles from the catcher position? At $7? He went from a .205 hitter in 2023 to a legitimate top-5 catcher. The improvement in contact quality (ISO jumped to .260, K-rate dropped significantly) is real and sustainable. This is elite positional value.
• Nathan Eovaldi was a goddamn machine in 2025. 1.73 ERA. 0.85 WHIP. 6.14 K/BB ratio. 14 quality starts in 22 games. At 35 years old, he pitched like a Cy Young finalist. If the groin holds up, $27 for that production is a bargain.
• Ben Rice emerged as a legitimate asset. 26 HR, .836 OPS, C/1B/DH eligibility at $6. The Yankee first baseman went from a .171-hitting nobody in 2024 to a solid everyday contributor. The dual catcher eligibility is sneaky valuable for lineup construction.
• Salary efficiency is excellent on the position player side. Elly ($12), Langeliers ($7), Rice ($6), Manzardo ($4), Vientos ($5) — that's five starters for $34 combined. That leaves room to upgrade at the trade deadline or absorb salary in deals.
• Aaron Ashby is a sneaky-good reliever. 2.16 ERA, 10.26 K/9, only 3 HR allowed in 66.2 innings. At 7% ownership and $7, nobody else in your league is paying attention to this guy. If Milwaukee gives him the closer role, this becomes a steal.

4. Weaknesses / Red Flags

• Yordan Alvarez played 48 games in 2025. Forty. Eight. You're paying $32 — the highest salary on your roster — for a man who produced 152.6 fantasy points. That's $32 for roughly the same production as a decent waiver pickup. Yes, his projection for 2026 is 649.6, which would be elite. But he's been Day-to-Day more often than he's been healthy. At some point, the best ability is availability, and Yordan treats the IL like a vacation home.
• Matt McLain's 2025 was an absolute disaster. .220 AVG, .643 OPS, 0.12 ISO. For context, that ISO means he had less extra-base power than some backup catchers. He missed all of 2024, came back, and looked like a shell of his 2023 self. You're paying $9 for a guy projected at only 259.8 points. That's replacement-level production at second base. His 2023 was electric, but one good half-season two years ago doesn't make a career.
• Mark Vientos regressed hard. After a promising 2024 (.266, 27 HR, .837 OPS), he cratered to .233 with a .702 OPS in 2025. His WAR went negative (-0.17). At $5 he's cheap, but his 2026 projection of 388.6 feels optimistic given the trend. The power is there (17 HR), but the contact and plate discipline are ugly.
• Robbie Ray at $35 is the most expensive player on this roster. Let that sink in. You're paying more for Robbie Ray than for Yordan Alvarez. Ray had a solid bounce-back in 2025 (3.65 ERA, 186 K), but he's 34, threw 3.1 innings total in 2023, and his 2026 projection drops to 439 points. That's $35 for mid-rotation production. This contract is an anchor around your neck.
• Spencer Strider is a shadow of his former self. The 2023 version — 20 wins, 281 K, 3.86 ERA — was a fantasy god. The 2025 version — 7-14, 4.45 ERA, 1.40 WHIP — was a fantasy liability. He's only 27, so there's hope, but the velocity concerns (per his own spring news) are alarming. At $20, you need the 2023 version, and you might be getting the 2025 version. Or worse.
• Marcelo Mayer at $22 is a massive overpay right now. He's 23, played 44 games, hit .228 with a .674 OPS, and his projection is only 308 points. You're paying $22 for a guy who hasn't proven he can hit major league pitching consistently. That's top-of-rotation pitcher money for a prospect who might need another year. His debut was "worth the wait" according to the headline, but the numbers say otherwise.
• Louie Varland: 5% owned, no available stats, projected for 267 points. I literally cannot find this man's recent pitching stats. He had -45.4 fantasy points in 2024. Negative. Points. You're keeping a guy at $4 whose most notable recent achievement is being a statistical ghost. This is either a 4D chess move or you forgot he was on your roster.
• Zero reliable saves source. In a league with 30 keepers, closers have value. Ashby's 3 saves are cute but not a category winner. Varland isn't closing anything. You're punting saves, and unless this is a deliberate strategy, it's a glaring hole.

5. Player-by-Player Takes

BATTERS

Shea Langeliers (C) — $7

Role: Starting catcher, Oakland. Everyday player with plus power.

Value: ⭐ Elite at position. Top-3 fantasy catcher.

Assessment: The breakout was real. He cut his strikeout rate, added 50+ points of batting average year-over-year, and the power was always there. 31 HR from a catcher at $7 is disgusting — in the best way. The only concern is he plays for Oakland, which means fewer RBI opportunities and the constant threat of the A's trading anyone good.

Punchline: The best thing about playing in Oakland? Nobody's there to see you rake, so the price stays low.

Elly De La Cruz (SS) — $12

Role: Franchise shortstop, Cincinnati. Five-tool freak.

Value: ⭐ Elite. Top-10 overall player.

Assessment: 22 HR, 37 SB, 102 runs at age 23 (in 2025). The stolen bases dipped from 67 to 37, which is notable, and the power ticked down slightly. The .264 AVG is fine but not great, and 181 strikeouts are a lot. But at $12? You'd pay triple and still feel good. He's the engine of this team. The 2026 projection (549.8) is almost identical to his 2025 output, suggesting a stable, elite floor.

Punchline: At 6'6", Elly doesn't steal bases — he just takes very long steps and the umpires call him safe out of respect.

Yordan Alvarez (DH) — $32

Role: DH/LF, Houston. Generational bat when upright.

Value: Elite talent, landmine availability. Schrödinger's fantasy player — simultaneously the best hitter in your lineup and also on the IL.

Assessment: The 2024 season (.308, 35 HR, .959 OPS) proved he's one of the 5 best hitters in baseball. The 2025 season (48 games, ankle) proved he's made of glass. His 2026 projection of 649.6 would be the highest on your roster by a mile — if he plays 140+ games. He's played 147, 114, and 48 games the last three years. See the trend? His walk-to-K ratio is elite (0.85 in 2025), his plate discipline is immaculate, and his power is generational. But $32 for a guy you can't count on being in the lineup is a steep price.

Punchline: Yordan's ankle has its own injury history page. At this point, his DL stints should count as a separate fantasy position.

Mark Vientos (3B) — $5

Role: Starting 3B, New York Mets.

Value: Solid floor, but trending the wrong direction.

Assessment: The 2024 breakout (27 HR, .837 OPS in 111 games) made him look like a building block. The 2025 regression (.233, .702 OPS, negative WAR) made him look like a guy who got figured out. He's only 26, so there's time, and $5 is cheap enough that you're not losing sleep. But the K-rate is ugly (115 in 424 AB), the walk rate is worse (30 BB), and the power dipped. His projection of 388.6 assumes a partial bounce-back, which is fair but far from guaranteed.

Punchline: Vientos is Spanish for "winds," which is appropriate because his bat went cold as hell in 2025.

Matt McLain (2B) — $9

Role: Starting 2B, Cincinnati. Elly's double-play partner.

Value: Streamer at best. Potential landmine.

Assessment: Look, I get it. The 2023 rookie season was magical — .290, 16 HR, 14 SB in 89 games. But he missed all of 2024, came back in 2025, and hit .220 with a .643 OPS over a full season. That's not rust — that's 577 plate appearances of mediocrity. The ISO dropped from .216 to .124. The power evaporated. The 2026 projection of 259.8 points is brutal for a $9 keeper. You're essentially paying for the memory of what he was, not what he is.

Punchline: Matt McLain's 2025 was so bad, even the Reds considered moving him to a position where hitting doesn't matter. Oh wait, that's not a position.

Ben Rice (1B) — $6

Role: Starting 1B/C, New York Yankees.

Value: Solid. Underrated.

Assessment: Rice went from a disastrous 50-game debut in 2024 (.171 AVG) to a legitimate everyday contributor in 2025 (.255, 26 HR, .836 OPS). The C/1B/DH eligibility is gold for roster flexibility. At $6, this is excellent value. The projection (456.2) suggests stable production. The concern is the 18 GIDP (yikes) and the fact that the Yankees could shuffle their lineup if they make moves. But for now, Rice is a quietly excellent keeper.

Punchline: Ben Rice: proof that sometimes the Yankees actually develop a player instead of just buying one.

Ceddanne Rafaela (CF) — $8

Role: Starting CF, Boston Red Sox. Plus defender with developing bat.

Value: Solid. Good category contributor.

Assessment: Rafaela is the definition of "useful in all categories, elite in none." .249 AVG, 16 HR, 20 SB, 84 runs, 34 doubles. He does a little bit of everything. The 4.78 WAR (driven heavily by defense) shows his real-life value exceeds his fantasy value, but 427 fantasy points at $8 is perfectly fine. The projection drops to 391.2, which is a bit concerning. His walk rate (28 BB in 587 PA) is atrocious — he makes Javy Báez look patient.

Punchline: Rafaela plays defense like a Gold Glover and approaches the plate like he's late for a dinner reservation. Swing first, ask questions never.

Marcelo Mayer (3B) — $22

Role: Rookie 3B, Boston Red Sox. Top prospect making his bones.

Value: Prospect premium with landmine risk. Way overpaid for current production.

Assessment: In 44 games, Mayer hit .228 with a .674 OPS. That's not great, Bob. He showed some gap power (8 doubles, 4 HR) and the pedigree is undeniable — he was the #4 overall pick for a reason. But $22 for a guy projected at 308 points is a LOT of money tied up in "he'll figure it out." For context, you're paying $22 for Mayer and $12 for Elly De La Cruz. That math doesn't math.

Punchline: Paying $22 for Marcelo Mayer is like buying a Tesla Cybertruck — it looks cool on paper, it's not really performing yet, and everyone's going to make fun of you until it does.

Kyle Manzardo (DH) — $4

Role: DH/1B, Cleveland Guardians.

Value: Solid power source at a dirt-cheap price.

Assessment: 27 HR and 70 RBI at $4 is excellent value, even with the .234 AVG and .768 OPS. He's a left-handed power bat in a good lineup, and at 25, there's room for growth. The projection (395.4) suggests slight improvement. The concern is the 135 strikeouts and mediocre walk rate, which limits his ceiling. But at $4, who cares? This is a perfectly fine depth piece that overdelivers on cost.

Punchline: Manzardo hits like a guy who learned to swing by watching YouTube tutorials — all power, no finesse, and somehow it works just enough.

PITCHERS

Nathan Eovaldi (SP) — $27

Role: Ace, Texas Rangers. Veteran workhorse.

Value: Elite when healthy. Day-to-Day with a groin, because of course he is.

Assessment: His 2025 was legitimately one of the best pitching seasons in baseball. 1.73 ERA, 0.85 WHIP, 6.14 K/BB — those are video game numbers. At 36, he somehow found another gear. The projection (628.4) expects regression but still elite output. The groin issue is the elephant in the room. He's 36. Things don't heal as fast. If he's healthy, $27 is a steal. If the groin lingers, $27 is a waste.

Punchline: Eovaldi in 2025 pitched like he found the Fountain of Youth. In 2026, the Fountain might be dry and his groin definitely is not cooperating.

Robbie Ray (SP) — $35

Role: Mid-rotation starter, San Francisco Giants.

Value: Overpaid. Significantly.

Assessment: Let me be crystal clear: $35 for Robbie Ray is indefensible. He's the most expensive player on your roster. More than Yordan. More than Eovaldi. More than Elly. He threw 3.1 innings in 2023. He threw 30.2 innings in 2024. Yes, the 2025 bounce-back was solid (3.65 ERA, 186 K, 182.1 IP), but the projection drops to 439 points for 2026. That's roughly the same production as Eury Perez, who costs $7. You are paying five times more for essentially the same output. This contract is the financial equivalent of setting $28 on fire.

Punchline: Robbie Ray at $35 is like paying Michelin-star prices for an Applebee's 2-for-$25 deal. It's fine. It's just not worth what you're paying.

Eury Perez (SP) — $7

Role: Young starter, Miami Marlins. Future ace on a tanking team.

Value: High upside, moderate risk. Great price.

Assessment: Perez is 22 years old, 6'8", and throws gas. His 2025 (4.25 ERA, 9.91 K/9 in 95.1 IP) was fine for a 21-year-old on the worst team in baseball. The WHIP (1.05) was actually excellent — the ERA was inflated by some homer issues. His 2023 debut (3.15 ERA, 10.64 K/9) showed the ceiling. At $7, this is a no-brainer keeper. The risk is workload management and the Marlins being the Marlins — they might shut him down early, trade him, or just generally be incompetent.

Punchline: Eury Perez is so tall that when he falls off the mound, it takes three seconds to hit the ground. The talent is skyscraper-sized too.

Aaron Ashby (RP) — $7

Role: High-leverage reliever, Milwaukee Brewers. Possible closer-in-waiting.

Value: Sneaky good. Potential league-winner if he gets the 9th inning.

Assessment: A 2.16 ERA with 10.26 K/9 in 66.2 innings is legitimately excellent. Only 3 HR allowed all year. The 7% ownership tells you nobody is paying attention. The risk is that Milwaukee's bullpen is a committee, and Ashby might never get consistent save opportunities. But the ratios are filthy, and if you're in a league that counts holds, he's even better. At $7, this is fine value for what he provides.

Punchline: Aaron Ashby is the fantasy equivalent of that restaurant your friend keeps recommending that you've never been to. It's actually really good — you just keep forgetting it exists.

Spencer Strider (SP) — $20

Role: Starter, Atlanta Braves. Former ace trying to recapture glory.

Value: Boom-or-bust. Could be a league-winner or a $20 paperweight.

Assessment: The 2023 Strider (281 K, 20 wins, 3.86 ERA) was a fantasy cheat code. The 2024 Strider barely existed (9 IP). The 2025 Strider (4.45 ERA, 1.40 WHIP, 7-14 record) was a below-average starter. The velocity concerns mentioned in spring training are terrifying for a pitcher whose entire identity is built on throwing hard. The projection (481.2) assumes significant improvement, which requires the velocity to come back and the command to tighten. At $20, you need him to be at least a top-30 pitcher. Right now, he's more like top-60.

Punchline: Spencer Strider went from "unhittable" to "very hittable" faster than you can say "Tommy John adjacent." The Braves aren't worried. You should be.

Louie Varland (RP) — $4

Role: Reliever, Toronto Blue Jays. Mystery man.

Value: Complete unknown. Possibly a waste of a roster spot.

Assessment: I have literally no recent stats for this man. His 2024 produced -45.4 fantasy points. Negative forty-five point four. His 2025 showed 329.5 points, which... okay, that's something, but without any actual stat breakdown, I'm flying blind. He's 5% owned. He's projected for 267 points. At $4, the cost is negligible, but you're using one of 15 roster spots on a guy that 95% of fantasy players have actively decided they don't want.

Punchline: Louie Varland is the "I forgot to drop him" of fantasy baseball. If this guy produces, I'll eat my hat. If he doesn't, nobody will notice because nobody knew he was here.

6. Best Picks / Steals

• 🥇 Elly De La Cruz at $12. This is the kind of contract that wins leagues. A top-7 overall player at $12 in a keeper league is obscene. You could keep him for the next five years and laugh all the way to the championship. This is the pick that justifies everything else on this roster.
• 🥈 Shea Langeliers at $7. Catcher is a wasteland in fantasy, and you've got a guy who hit 31 HR with a .277 AVG for the price of a decent reliever. The year-over-year improvement is legit, and the positional scarcity makes this even more valuable. Chef's kiss.
• 🥉 Ben Rice at $6. 26 HR, C/1B/DH eligibility, Yankee Stadium short porch, and he costs less than a large pizza. The dual catcher eligibility with Langeliers gives you incredible lineup flexibility. Smart, quiet, excellent pick.
• 4. Kyle Manzardo at $4. 27 HR for $4? In Cleveland's lineup? Yes please. He's not sexy, but he's cheap and productive. That's the fantasy baseball equivalent of a Honda Civic — reliable, affordable, gets the job done.
• 5. Aaron Ashby at $7. A sub-2.20 ERA reliever with 10+ K/9 at 7% ownership. If he falls into the closer role, this becomes the best value pitcher on the roster. Even without saves, the ratios are elite.

7. Worst Picks / "What Were You Thinking?"

• 💀 Robbie Ray at $35. This is the worst contract on the roster, full stop. You're paying premium ace money for a mid-rotation arm with a recent history of catastrophic injury. His 2023-2024 combined: 33.2 innings pitched. His 2025 was good, not great. His 2026 projection is 439 points — the same as Eury Perez at $7. You are paying five times more for equivalent production. What the hell were you thinking? This is the kind of contract that sinks fantasy teams. You're spending $35 of a $276 budget — 12.7% of your total salary — on a 34-year-old pitcher who might break down again at any moment.
• 💀 Marcelo Mayer at $22. I understand the dynasty appeal. I really do. Top prospect, Red Sox, left-handed bat, the whole package. But $22 for a guy who hit .228 in 44 games with a .674 OPS? That's not a keeper — that's a hostage situation. His projection of 308 points would make him your worst position player by projected output. You're paying more for Mayer than for Elly De La Cruz. Read that sentence again. Let it wash over you like a cold shower.
• 💀 Yordan Alvarez at $32. This isn't about talent — Yordan is a top-5 bat when healthy. This is about the fact that he played 48 games in 2025 and is already Day-to-Day this spring. You're paying $32 for a player who has played 114, 147, and 48 games over the last three seasons. That's a downward trend that should terrify you. If he plays 140+ games, this is fine. If he plays 80, you just lit $32 on fire.
• 💀 Matt McLain at $9. A full season of .220 hitting after missing all of 2024 is not "rust." It's a red flag the size of Texas. His projected 259.8 points would be the lowest of any starter on your roster. You're paying $9 for what is currently a below-replacement-level fantasy player. The dream of 2023 McLain is keeping this contract alive, but the reality of 2025 McLain says you should have cut bait.
• 💀 Louie Varland at $4. The cost is low, but the opportunity cost of a roster spot is real. With only 15 players, every slot matters. Using one on a 5%-owned reliever with no accessible stats and a history that includes negative fantasy points is... a choice. A bad one.

8. Draft-Day Advice / Next Moves

1. Trade Robbie Ray immediately. Find someone in your league who remembers his Cy Young season and sell the name value. Eat some salary if you have to. $35 for a mid-rotation arm is killing your budget flexibility. Even getting 60 cents on the dollar is better than holding this contract.
2. Target a closer — aggressively. You have zero reliable saves. In the draft, prioritize a top-15 closer. Emmanuel Clase, Ryan Helsley, Kenley Jansen — whoever's available. You can't punt saves with a 15-man roster and expect to compete.
3. Monitor Yordan's ankle like a hawk. If he's not 100% by Opening Day, consider trading him for a healthy bat + a pick. His name value is still enormous. Don't let sentimentality sink your season.
4. Drop Louie Varland. Use that roster spot on literally anyone else. A streaming pitcher, a handcuff, a closer — anything with a pulse and verifiable statistics.
5. Find a batting average stabilizer. Your lineup is full of .220-.250 hitters. Target a high-AVG bat in the draft — someone like Luis Arraez, Steven Kwan, or whoever the league's contact kings are. You need balance desperately.
6. Handcuff Eovaldi. He's 36 with a groin issue. Know who the next man up is in Texas's rotation and stash him. If Eovaldi goes down, you need a seamless replacement, not a panic waiver claim.
7. Be patient with Marcelo Mayer, but set a deadline. If he's not producing by mid-May, trade him for a proven bat. $22 is too much to carry dead weight all season. Someone in your league will pay for the prospect shine.
8. Consider flipping Langeliers if Rice has C eligibility. With Rice also eligible at catcher, you could trade Langeliers for a premium return. A .277/31 HR catcher at $7 will fetch a king's ransom. Use that capital to fill your holes.
9. Target stolen bases in the draft. Outside of Elly (37 SB) and Rafaela (20 SB), your team doesn't run. McLain had 18 but can't hit. Add a speed specialist — even a bench piece who can spot-start — to ensure you're competitive in that category.
10. Pray for Spencer Strider's velocity. There's nothing you can do here except hope. If his spring velocity comes back, ride the wave. If it doesn't, trade him before the market realizes he's cooked. The window between "concerns" and "he's done" is very small.

9. Final Grade

Grade: C+

This roster has a legitimate top-10 fantasy player (Elly), two excellent value keepers (Langeliers, Rice), and a pitching staff with ace upside (Eovaldi, Perez, maybe Strider). That's a real foundation. But the execution is undermined by terrible salary allocation (Ray at $35, Mayer at $22), massive injury risk concentration (Yordan, Eovaldi, Strider), a complete absence of saves, and several position players who can't hit their weight. The total salary of $276 across 15 players leaves very little room for in-season acquisitions, and the roster construction screams "I drafted for 2027 and forgot I need to win in 2026."

If this team wins, it'll be because: Yordan plays 150 games, Strider rediscovers his 2023 form, Eovaldi's groin cooperates, and Mayer breaks out — essentially, every single question mark resolves in the best possible direction simultaneously. So, a miracle.

If this team loses, it'll be because: Yordan plays 80 games again, Strider's velocity never comes back, Robbie Ray's $35 salary eats the budget alive, McLain continues to be a .220 hitter, and the complete lack of saves and batting average sinks them in the standings. Which is, unfortunately, the more likely outcome.

Good luck, Bathing Beauties. You're going to need a lot more than a bubble bath to wash away these problems. 🛁