Clark's No Pants Party — Unbiased Analysis

🩳 Clark's No Pants Party — Unbiased Analysis

The Mendoza Line League

1. Overall Team Summary (Brutal Honesty Edition)

Quick Verdict: Aggressive Rebuild Cosplaying as a Contender

Clark's No Pants Party is the fantasy equivalent of showing up to a black-tie gala in cargo shorts and a "Trust the Process" t-shirt. This roster is loaded with young, cheap talent that could be filthy in 18 months — but right now? Right now it's a collection of half-baked prospects, White Sox players (plural!), and a pitching staff held together by duct tape and prayers. You've got $207 in salary on a 15-man roster, which means you're either brilliantly leveraging cheap keepers or you're the guy at the poker table who thinks he's playing 4D chess while everyone else is just… winning hands.

One-liner roast: This team has three White Sox players on it, which means Clark is either a masochist or genuinely lost a bet.

One-liner compliment: If even half these young bats hit their projections, this roster could be absolutely disgusting for $207 — that's elite surplus value if the kids grow up.

2. Roster Construction & Strategy

What Clark Prioritized: Youth, upside, and salary flexibility. Thirteen of fifteen players are keepers, and most are locked in at bargain prices ($4–$9). This is clearly a dynasty-minded build — stockpile cheap talent with ceilings, pray for development, and use the remaining cap space to fill holes at the draft. The hitting core leans heavily on power and speed from young outfielders, with Buxton as the expensive veteran anchor.

What Clark Ignored:

• Saves. Completely. There is not a single dedicated closer on this roster. Caleb Thielbar had ONE save last year. The saves column is going to look like a crime scene.
• Batting average. This lineup is littered with guys who strike out a LOT. PCA, Adell, Montgomery, Moore — these dudes swing like they're trying to kill the ball's family. The team batting average could hover around .240 on a good week.
• Pitching depth and reliability. The rotation is a mix of mid-rotation guys and question marks. No ace. No bonafide #1 starter. Pivetta had a career year in 2025 and is the "best" arm here, which tells you everything.
• Third base. There's no dedicated 3B on this roster. Montgomery has eligibility there, and Noelvi Marte does too, but that's it. Thin.

Where the Roster is Fragile:

• Byron Buxton is your most expensive player at $24. The man is made of balsa wood and good intentions. He's 32 and has played 126+ games exactly once since 2017 (last year). If he goes down, this offense loses its engine AND its biggest salary commitment becomes dead weight.
• The middle infield is a prayer circle. Christian Moore hit .197 last year. Colson Montgomery played 71 games. Kyle Teel is a rookie catcher. You're banking on three guys who have a combined 202 games of MLB experience to anchor your lineup.
• Pitching is one injury away from catastrophe. Arrighetti only threw 35 innings in 2025. Weathers threw 38. If Cameron or Nelson miss time, you're starting guys with sub-40-inning track records.

3. Strengths

• Salary efficiency is elite. $207 total for 15 players, with 13 keepers mostly in the $4–$9 range. Busch at $8 after a 34-HR, 4.5 WAR season? PCA at $12 after 31/35? Montgomery at $4 with 21 bombs in 71 games? If this league has an auction draft, Clark has a war chest to fill holes. That's genuinely smart roster building.
• Power upside is enormous. Buxton (35 HR), PCA (31), Busch (34), Adell (37), Montgomery (21 in 71 games — pace for 45+ over a full season). This team could legitimately lead the league in home runs if everyone stays healthy. That's a big "if," but the ceiling is there.
• Speed is sneaky good. PCA stole 35 bags, Buxton swiped 24, and Noelvi Marte added 10. That's a solid base of steals without even trying, and Moore chipped in 3 in limited time. You're not winning the category outright, but you're competitive.
• Youth = years of control. Teel (24), Moore (23), Montgomery (24), PCA (23), Noelvi Marte (24), Cameron (26), Shane Smith (25) — this core is locked in cheap for what could be years. If even three of these guys become stars, Clark is sitting on a dynasty.
• Colson Montgomery's power projection is filthy. 21 homers in 71 games with a .290 ISO as a 23-year-old? At $4? If he plays a full season, he could be a top-5 fantasy shortstop. That's the kind of pick that makes other managers throw their laptops.
• Noah Cameron at $5 is a quiet steal. A sub-3.00 ERA with 114 K in 138 innings? 10 quality starts in 24 starts? For a 26-year-old lefty on the Royals? That's a rock-solid SP3/SP4 at a minimum, and the projection system sees him pushing toward 540 points. Nicely done.

4. Weaknesses / Red Flags

• 🚨 ZERO CLOSERS. ZERO. 🚨 In a league where saves matter, Clark has decided to simply… not get any. Thielbar is a 39-year-old setup man with 2% ownership. TWO PERCENT. That's not a sleeper — that's a guy most leagues literally don't know exists. You are punting saves so hard you might as well be an Australian rules football team.
• Byron Buxton's body is a ticking time bomb. Yes, he was magnificent in 2025 — 35/24 with nearly 5 WAR. But this is the same man who averaged 94 games per season from 2018–2024. He's now 32. The projection of 710 points assumes health that Buxton has historically never provided. At $24, he's your biggest investment and your biggest risk.
• Spencer Arrighetti is a walking question mark. Only 35 innings in 2025 with a 5.35 ERA and a 1.42 WHIP. The projection of 437 points assumes a full, healthy, competent season — something he has literally never delivered in the majors. His 2024 wasn't great either (285 FPTS). You're keeping him at $5 on pure hope.
• Christian Moore might not be ready. A .197 batting average and .654 OPS in 53 games last year is… not good. He's 23 and the tools are there, but 26% ownership tells you the fantasy community isn't buying yet either. The projection of 286 points is modest, and even that might be optimistic if he can't make consistent contact.
• Three White Sox players. Let that sink in. Kyle Teel, Colson Montgomery, and Shane Smith all play for the worst team in baseball. That means fewer run-scoring opportunities, fewer RBI chances, and a general aura of sadness permeating your roster. Montgomery's 21 homers came despite playing on a team that lost 120+ games. Imagine what happens when the lineup around him is even worse (it's the White Sox — it's always possible).
• Caleb Thielbar is 39 years old with a 13.50 ERA in early 2026. He's 2% owned. He had a nice 2025 (2.64 ERA, 25 holds), but he's a non-closing reliever approaching 40. The projection of 238 points is basically "he'll be fine if he doesn't fall apart," which is a hell of a thing to say about a guy whose arm has been throwing baseballs professionally since Obama's first term.
• No true ace. Pivetta is the best pitcher here, and while his 2025 was outstanding (2.87 ERA, 190 K), he's 33 and his projection drops to 552 — a regression is baked in. Behind him, you've got a bunch of SP3/SP4 types. In a deep league, that's fine. In a competitive one, you're bringing a knife to a gunfight in pitching categories.
• Jo Adell's plate discipline is atrocious. A .293 OBP with 151 strikeouts? He walks less than most pitchers walk batters. The 37 homers are sexy, but the batting average drag (.236) and the complete inability to get on base make him a one-dimensional fantasy asset. Also, his 1.19 WAR despite 37 homers and 98 RBI tells you how much damage he does in other areas (hint: negative).

5. Player-by-Player Takes

BATTERS

Kyle Teel (C) — CHW | $5 Keeper

Role/Status: Primary catcher for the White Sox. Set to be the everyday guy behind the plate at age 24.

Value Assessment: Solid prospect stash with catcher scarcity upside. His 2025 half-season (.273/.375/.411, 8 HR in 78 games) showed a mature approach at the plate — a .375 OBP from a catcher is genuinely exciting. The projection of 304 points is conservative; if he plays 120+ games, he could smash that.

Risk Factors: He plays for the White Sox, which is like being the best chef on the Titanic. Catcher workload is always a concern for young guys. Early 2026 numbers (1-for-14) are ugly but meaningless in spring context.

Punchline: A $5 catcher with a .375 OBP on the worst team in baseball. It's like finding a diamond ring in a dumpster fire.

Michael Busch (1B) — CHC | $8 Keeper

Role/Status: Everyday first baseman for the Cubs. Not expected to be platooned — full green light.

Value Assessment: Elite value. This is your best keeper. 34 homers, 90 RBI, .866 OPS, 4.5 WAR — and you're paying $8 for it. He took a massive leap from 2024 (.775 OPS) to 2025 (.866 OPS), improving his ISO from .192 to .261. That's not a fluke; that's a 28-year-old entering his prime.

Risk Factors: Minimal. He played 155 games. He's in his prime. The projection of 541 expects slight regression, which is fair, but even that number at $8 is robbery.

Punchline: Busch at $8 is the kind of deal that makes other managers file a grievance with the commissioner. Disgusting value — in the best way.

Christian Moore (2B) — LAA | $6 Keeper

Role/Status: Getting reps at 2B and 3B for the Angels. Still establishing himself at the MLB level.

Value Assessment: High-risk prospect lottery ticket. The .197 average in 53 games is concerning, but he's 23 and showed raw power (7 HR in 162 AB, .173 ISO). The K-rate is ugly (33.7%), but he's getting exposure to multiple positions, which helps eligibility.

Risk Factors: May not be an everyday player yet. The Angels could send him down or platoon him. Only 26% owned — the market doesn't believe.

Punchline: Moore is the fantasy equivalent of a scratch-off ticket you found in your jacket pocket. Probably worthless, but you're not throwing it away just in case.

Colson Montgomery (SS) — CHW | $4 Keeper

Role/Status: Starting shortstop (with 3B eligibility) for the White Sox. Back in the spring lineup and expected to be the everyday guy.

Value Assessment: Potential league-winner at $4. 21 homers in 71 games is a 48-homer pace over a full season. Now, he's not hitting 48 homers. But 30? 35? At shortstop? For $4? The .290 ISO is absurd for a 23-year-old middle infielder. The projection of 474 points assumes a full season, and if he gets there, this is one of the best keeper values in your league.

Risk Factors: Only played 71 games in 2025 — durability is unproven. The White Sox are terrible, limiting counting stats. Zero stolen bases is a concern for a young athletic player. The .239 average with an 8.8% walk rate suggests he'll have some ugly weeks.

Punchline: Montgomery at $4 is the pick that, if it hits, will have every other manager in the league demanding a salary cap investigation.

Byron Buxton (CF) — MIN | $24 Keeper

Role/Status: Centerpiece of the Twins lineup. Your most expensive player and your offensive engine.

Value Assessment: Elite when healthy — which is the eternal caveat. 35/24 with a .878 OPS and nearly 5 WAR in 126 games. The projection of 711 points would make him a top-15 overall player. CBS ranks him #13. He's a five-tool monster when his body cooperates.

Risk Factors: HE IS BYRON BUXTON. The man has been on the IL more times than most people have been to the dentist. He's 32 now. The 126 games in 2025 were his second-most ever. Regression to his health mean (102 games in 2024, and way less in prior years) would be devastating at $24.

Punchline: Paying $24 for Buxton is like buying a Lamborghini that's been in six accidents. When it runs? Holy shit. But you better have AAA on speed dial.

Pete Crow-Armstrong (CF) — CHC | $12 Keeper

Role/Status: Starting center fielder for the Cubs. 157 games played in 2025 — he's locked in.

Value Assessment: Solid with star upside. 31 HR and 35 SB at age 22 is special. The 30/30 club at that age puts him in rare company. At $12, that's outstanding value for a guy with 6 WAR. The projection dips to 513 (regression expected), but even that is very playable.

Risk Factors: The batting average (.247) and OBP (.287) are rough. A 24% K-rate with only a 4.5% walk rate means he's either hitting dingers or making outs. The CS total (8) is a bit high relative to his attempts. If the power dips even slightly, the low OBP makes him a drag.

Punchline: PCA is what happens when you give a cheetah a baseball bat and zero patience. Thrilling and infuriating in equal measure.

Jo Adell (CF) — LAA | $7 Keeper

Role/Status: Everyday outfielder for the Angels. Has CF and RF eligibility.

Value Assessment: Frustrating power bat with massive holes. 37 homers and 98 RBI are genuinely impressive counting stats. But the .236 average, .293 OBP, and 151 strikeouts are the fantasy equivalent of a guy who can bench press 400 pounds but can't touch his toes. He's a one-category hero.

Risk Factors: The stolen base total cratered from 15 (2024) to 5 (2025). His 1.19 WAR despite monster counting stats tells you the real baseball world doesn't value him as much as fantasy does. At 26, this might just be who he is — a low-average masher with no plate discipline.

Punchline: Jo Adell is the human embodiment of "grip it and rip it." He'll win you homers and lose you everything else. At $7, you can live with the chaos.

Noelvi Marte (RF) — CIN | $9 Keeper

Role/Status: Starting corner bat for the Reds with 3B/RF eligibility. CBS ranks him #12 overall — yes, really.

Value Assessment: High-ceiling keeper with a messy track record. His 2025 was solid (.263/.300/.448 with 14 HR and 10 SB in 90 games), but 2024 was a disaster (.210/.248/.301 in 66 games). He's 24 with plus tools, but the walk rate (4.4%) is horrifying and the K-rate (23.6%) needs to come down. The CBS #12 ranking feels… aspirational.

Risk Factors: Has never played a full season. The lack of walks means his floor is very low. Previous PED suspension history. If the Reds get impatient, his playing time could fluctuate.

Punchline: CBS has Marte ranked #12 overall, which is either the boldest call of the year or evidence that their algorithm has been drinking. At $9, you're betting on the talent, not the track record.

PITCHERS

Noah Cameron (SP) — KC | $5 Keeper

Role/Status: Rotation member for the Royals. 24 starts in 2025, projected for a full workload in 2026.

Value Assessment: Sneaky good SP3 at a bargain price. A 2.99 ERA with a 1.10 WHIP and 10 quality starts in 24 starts is rock solid. The K-rate (7.4 K/9) isn't elite, but the command (2.65 K/BB) is excellent for a 25-year-old. Projection of 540 points at $5 is outstanding.

Risk Factors: "Struggles in spring outing" is the latest headline. Only one year of MLB data. The Royals' defense could be a factor. 138 innings in 2025 — will they let him go 170+?

Punchline: Cameron is the boring-but-effective starter that wins leagues. He's the Toyota Camry of your pitching staff, and there's nothing wrong with that at $5.

Caleb Thielbar (RP) — CHC | $6 Keeper

Role/Status: Middle reliever / setup man for the Cubs. 67 games, 25 holds, 1 save in 2025.

Value Assessment: Landmine. Look, his 2025 was legitimately good — 2.64 ERA, 0.88 WHIP, 4.3 K/BB ratio. That's excellent. But he's 39 years old, he's not closing, and he's 2% owned for a reason. The early 2026 numbers (13.50 ERA, 2.70 WHIP) are spring training noise, but at his age, every bad outing raises the "is he cooked?" alarm. At $6, you're overpaying for a non-closing reliever who could retire mid-season.

Risk Factors: Age 39. Not a closer. Could lose his role to younger arms at any point. The Cubs have no reason to protect his workload if he falters.

Punchline: Keeping a 39-year-old setup man at $6 is a choice. Not a good choice, but a choice. Clark apparently has a soft spot for senior citizens.

Spencer Arrighetti (SP) — HOU | $5 Keeper

Role/Status: Back in the Astros rotation, presumably. Only 7 starts and 35 innings in 2025 due to injury/ineffectiveness.

Value Assessment: Speculative hold. The projection of 437 points assumes a healthy, full season — something he hasn't come close to delivering. His 2024 (286 FPTS) was mediocre, and his 2025 was a disaster (5.35 ERA in limited action). The stuff is there (7.9 K/9), but the walks (20 in 35 IP) are a problem. "Mixed results in spring" doesn't inspire confidence.

Risk Factors: Health is the primary concern. Even when healthy, he hasn't shown he can be a reliable fantasy starter. Only 36% owned.

Punchline: Arrighetti is the "he was good in college" guy at the office softball game. Lots of potential, not a lot of proof. At $5, fine — but don't expect him to save your season.

Shane Smith (SP) — CHW | $5 Keeper

Role/Status: Rotation member for the White Sox. 29 starts in 2025 — a full workload.

Value Assessment: Solid mid-rotation arm on a terrible team. A 3.81 ERA with 145 K in 146 innings and an 8.9 K/9 rate is genuinely good for a 24-year-old. The 2.5 K/BB ratio is respectable. The projection of 493 points at $5 is nice value. The problem? He pitches for the White Sox, so wins will be scarce and the run support will be nonexistent.

Risk Factors: White Sox. The win total will be depressing. Only one year of data. The 1.20 WHIP could tick up if the defense behind him is as bad as expected.

Punchline: Shane Smith is like a really talented musician playing to an empty bar every night. The stuff is there; the team around him is a war crime.

Ryne Nelson (SP) — ARI | $7 Keeper

Role/Status: Rotation arm for the Diamondbacks with SP/RP eligibility. 23 starts and 10 relief appearances in 2025.

Value Assessment: Reliable mid-rotation piece. A 3.39 ERA with a 1.07 WHIP and 132 K in 154 innings is a very nice season. The 3.2 K/BB ratio is strong. He's on a competitive team (wins!), and the dual eligibility adds flexibility. Projection of 494 at $7 is fair value.

Risk Factors: The swing role (starter/reliever) could limit innings or consistency. He's not an ace — he's a solid #3/4 starter. If Arizona decides to use him more in relief, his counting stats suffer.

Punchline: Nelson is the guy you forget is on your team until you check the stats and realize he quietly had a great week. The fantasy equivalent of a dependable Honda Civic.

Nick Pivetta (SP) — SD | $15 (NOT a keeper)

Role/Status: Front-of-rotation starter for the Padres. Had a career year in 2025.

Value Assessment: Your best pitcher, and the only non-keeper on the roster worth a damn. 2.87 ERA, 190 K, 19 quality starts, 5.3 WAR — that's an ace season. The projection of 552 expects regression, which is reasonable for a 33-year-old who had the best year of his career. But even with regression, he's a strong SP2.

Risk Factors: He's 33. Career year at 32 followed by regression is the most predictable arc in baseball. At $15 and NOT a keeper, you're paying full price for what might be a declining asset. Rocky spring start is noted.

Punchline: Pivetta at $15 as a non-keeper is fine, but it's the least exciting transaction on this roster. It's like ordering the chicken at a steakhouse — safe, competent, and deeply uninspiring.

Ryan Weathers (SP) — NYY | $6 (NOT a keeper)

Role/Status: Competing for a rotation spot with the Yankees. Only 8 starts and 38 innings in 2025.

Value Assessment: Upside play in a premium situation. The Yankees rotation spot is valuable — wins and run support galore. His limited 2025 showed decent stuff (8.7 K/9, 3.08 K/BB), and the spring debut was "impressive." The projection of 477 points assumes a full season, which is a big assumption given he's thrown 38 and 73 innings in his last two seasons combined (excluding 2024's 227 FPTS partial season).

Risk Factors: Durability is a massive question mark. He's been hurt or ineffective for most of his career. If he doesn't win the rotation spot, this is dead money.

Punchline: Weathers on the Yankees is the fantasy equivalent of putting a mediocre actor in a Marvel movie — the situation elevates the talent. Let's see if he can actually stay on the stage.

6. Best Picks / Steals

• 🏆 Michael Busch at $8: A 34-homer, 4.5 WAR first baseman in his prime for eight bucks. This is the crown jewel of the roster and it's not close. If he takes another step forward, you're looking at a top-20 overall player at a price that would make a Walmart greeter jealous.
• 🏆 Colson Montgomery at $4: Twenty-one bombs in 71 games at shortstop. The per-game power rate is absurd. If he plays 140+ games, this could be the single best value in the entire league. The $4 price tag is borderline criminal.
• 🏆 Pete Crow-Armstrong at $12: A 30/30 outfielder at 22 years old for $12? Yes please. The OBP is gross, but the power-speed combination at that age and that price is the kind of thing you build a team around.
• 🏆 Noah Cameron at $5: Sub-3.00 ERA, 10 quality starts, solid command — and you're paying the price of a large pizza for him. If he takes a step forward in year two, this is a top-30 SP at a bargain bin price.
• 🏆 Kyle Teel at $5: A catcher with a .375 OBP in his age-23 season? Catcher is a wasteland in fantasy, and Teel showed legitimate on-base skills. If he develops any power, he's a top-5 fantasy catcher at a nothing salary.

7. Worst Picks / "What Were You Thinking?"

• 💩 Caleb Thielbar at $6 (KEEPER): Clark. CLARK. You're keeping a 39-year-old middle reliever who is owned in 2% of leagues. TWO PERCENT. That means in a league of 50 teams, ONE other person even bothered to roster him. He doesn't close. He doesn't start. He's a perfectly fine real-baseball reliever and a completely useless fantasy asset at $6. You could get literally anyone else. This is the worst keeper decision on the roster by a country mile, and it's not even debatable.
• 💩 Byron Buxton at $24: Is Buxton incredible? Yes. Is he worth $24 when he's 32 and has the structural integrity of a wet paper towel? That's the question that keeps Clark up at night (or should). This isn't a bad pick per se — it's a terrifying one. You're paying premium price for a player whose body has betrayed him repeatedly. If he plays 130+ games again, it's a steal. If he plays 90, it's a disaster. The risk-reward at $24 is just… stressful.
• 💩 Spencer Arrighetti at $5 (KEEPER): The $5 price makes this defensible, but barely. A 5.35 ERA in 35 innings last year, only 36% owned, and "mixed results in spring." You're keeping a guy who has essentially been bad or absent for the last two years because he throws hard and plays for the Astros. At some point, the talent has to translate into actual production.
• 💩 The Complete Absence of Saves: This isn't a single pick — it's a strategic decision to just… not have closers. In a format where saves are a category, this is like entering a triathlon and deciding you're going to skip the swimming portion. You WILL lose saves every single week unless you address this immediately.
• 💩 Three White Sox Players: Teel, Montgomery, and Shane Smith. Three roster spots tied to the worst franchise in baseball. Montgomery's power makes him worth it, and Teel's catcher eligibility helps, but Smith is going to rack up losses like they're frequent flyer miles. The cumulative effect of having 20% of your roster on a 50-win team is real and measurable.

8. Draft-Day Advice / Next Moves

1. GET A CLOSER. IMMEDIATELY. This is not optional. You need at least one, preferably two, dedicated closers. Target guys like Emmanuel Clase, Ryan Helsley, Kenley Jansen, or even mid-tier options like Robert Suarez or Andrés Muñoz. You have salary flexibility — use it. Punting saves in a categories league is a losing strategy.
2. Drop Caleb Thielbar. Right now. Before you finish reading this sentence. He is a $6 keeper who provides almost nothing in fantasy. That roster spot and $6 can be used on literally anyone more useful — a closer, a streamer SP, a bench bat. This is free money you're lighting on fire.
3. Target a high-floor SP in the draft. Your rotation has a lot of upside but not a lot of certainty. Someone like Zack Wheeler, Corbin Burnes, or Logan Webb would give you a reliable anchor. Pivetta is good but not a true ace. You need one guy you can pencil in for 180+ innings of quality work.
4. Add a backup outfielder or utility bat. If Buxton goes down (when, not if), you need a contingency plan. Look for a high-floor OF or DH-eligible bat in the draft to hedge against the inevitable IL stint.
5. Monitor Christian Moore's playing time closely. If he's not starting regularly by mid-April, cut bait and stream the 2B spot. At 26% ownership, you can probably pick him back up later if he figures it out.
6. Trade Jo Adell at peak value. If Adell starts hot (which he might — 37 homers is sexy on a stat sheet), shop him to a team that needs power. His underlying numbers (low OBP, high K-rate, declining speed) suggest he's closer to his ceiling than his floor. Sell high.
7. Handcuff Buxton. Whoever is next in line for the Twins' CF job, have them on your watch list. When (not if) Buxton misses time, you want to be the first one to grab the replacement.
8. Consider trading Noelvi Marte if his early-season numbers pop. The CBS #12 ranking creates perceived value that may exceed his actual production. If he starts hot, you could flip him for a proven arm or a closer.
9. Keep an eye on Ryan Weathers' roster status. If he doesn't make the Yankees rotation, he becomes a $6 waste of space. Have a backup plan — maybe a waiver wire SP or a cheap draft target — in case he's optioned or moved to the bullpen.
10. Embrace the rebuild timeline. This roster is built for 2027 more than 2026. If you're not competitive by June, start shopping Pivetta (expiring contract, strong stats) and Buxton (if healthy) for more young assets. Don't get stuck in no-man's land.

9. Final Grade

Grade: C+

This is a fascinating roster that's simultaneously brilliant and baffling. The keeper values are outstanding — Busch, Montgomery, PCA, Cameron, and Teel at their prices represent some of the best surplus value you can find. But the complete absence of saves, the over-reliance on unproven young players, the Thielbar keeper (seriously, what?), and the Buxton health gamble at $24 create serious holes that could sink the season.

The ceiling is a playoff team. The floor is a dumpster fire. Right now, it's closer to the floor.

If this team wins, it'll be because: Montgomery plays 150 games and hits 35 homers, Buxton stays healthy for 130+ games, PCA repeats his 30/30 season, and Clark uses his salary flexibility to add a closer and an ace at the draft.

If this team loses, it'll be because: Buxton plays 90 games, Moore and Teel aren't ready, Arrighetti is a wasted roster spot, there are literally zero saves all season, and Clark spent $6 keeping a 39-year-old setup man that nobody else on planet Earth wanted.

Put some pants on, Clark. You've got work to do.